Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
