Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize