this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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