I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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