Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize