it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
