My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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