I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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