I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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