I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
