I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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