careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
So many bounce houses so little time
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
