I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
