Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
