i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
