You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
