Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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