Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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