Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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