The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
