I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
