wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
