in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
