piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
