Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
