the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
