Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
