Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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