Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
