Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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