I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
