I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
