Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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