I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
