I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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