you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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