we're chasing vodka with high fives
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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