mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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