everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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