Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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