Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
