while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just want nice things and good sex
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
