Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
