oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
