my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
