Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dating After Heartbreak
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.