Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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