I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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