using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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