It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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