He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
