So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
