nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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