i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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