they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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