Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
