You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
