if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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