oh god the rape fog is back!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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