You're completely useless in the revolution.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
