So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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