She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
