ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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