i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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