If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
